Friday, November 6, 2009

an unexpected sadness

As you all know I announced that I was pregnant  and how excited we were. Everything was going great until yesterday when I started to spot. I know this happens with pregnancy so I was trying not to freak out, but deep down I was. I called the doctor and they told me to come in to find heart tones. Well they did not so Ihad an ultrasound and there was a sack in there,but no baby had ever formed. They all had a name for it,but I was to out of it and upset to even remember what it was. It was measuring 8 or 9 weeks and stopped growing after that,but my body keep thinking I was pregnant so I was still getting morning sickness and my belly was still growing and my levels were still high,but NO BABY!
 This is very painful and it hurt and it sucks really bad,but I know it was for the best and that god is in control and he will provide me with another baby soon/ We have to wait about 2 months until we can try again,but the minute we can we will. I thought May would be a great month becasue it is the end of the school year and I would all summer without the daycare kids to recover,but now months do not matter I just want a baby. Ryan has expressed his sadness and we have done our share of crying, and as I am writing this, I am wiping tears away. It is amazing how attached you get to something and then when it is gone, you just crumple to peices.
The thing that upsets the most (besides haveing a miscarriage) is I was a week away from my second trimester and we had told everybody and now we have to undo that. i know that they will understand and givve me that support,but it is something I do not wish on anybody. I really want to speed the rest of the year up so I can get pregant again,but I know I need to give my body time to recover. This is the worst feeling in the world and hope I never have to feel it again.
  I do have 2 precious gifts that are 4 and 2 that I am hugging and kissing alot right now,but cannot wait to add another soon!
 Please pray we work through this and god gives me the strengh to move on and try again.

God is good and will come through!

Cassie, I will get your scarve to you soon, I have not been out of the house all day to lookfor one. I will get it out this weekend. I  promise. I did get mine and thank you so much. I love them both.


Erica said...

So very sorry Nicole. Best wishes.

SassyCassie said...

Awww Nicole I'm so sorry that happened-my thoughts are with you.

No worries about the scarf-being with your family is most important right now.